


Fuck you.

by RoxyStrider



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Colorful Language, Fighting Game, M/M, Troll Biology (Homestuck)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:28:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23393296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoxyStrider/pseuds/RoxyStrider
Summary: Dave and Karkat have their usual hang out session and play UNICLR this time around.  However, Dave has a dumb idea and Karkat has to deal with it.  Like always.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Dirk's Bro | Alpha Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	Fuck you.

It had been a couple hours since you arrived. This smug piece of garbage has yet to change out of his goddamn two-piece suit. Frankly, you don't have a problem with it, he’s... Quite good looking, however it’s making you feel quite underdressed, wearing your usual grey sweater, and jeans. Even if the two of you are just hanging out or as he put it “I’m gonna beat your ass in UNICLR or something”, which he does, it still makes you feel very underdressed. Like as if you were supposed to dress for some kind of occasion. After several rounds things have gotten a little stale. So, in Dave fashion, he has a dumb as shit idea. With a sigh he pops his collar, he shifts his shades up, resting them upon his temple. His candy red eyes wander their way over to you. You swear he’s seen at least a hundred times, but he’s eyeing you up. Sizing you up. After a few moments, which felt like sweeps of hidden intention, he closes his eyes, and nods his head. Not in any sort of confirming way, but to allow his shades to fall to the original position as he pushes them upon the bridge of his nose. God that was... Actually incredibly hot. When his facial expression goes back to the default of “hard to read” your blood pusher finally calms itself down. You hadn’t even noticed that his glare spiked your anxiety until your fight or flight finally deactivated itself.

Dave leans himself back onto the couch, the chestnut couch creaking and whining as it conforms to his body shape, lifting a left to rest on the top of his knee. His arms resting on the back rim of the couch as you’re finally able to catch a breath. It's so weird that you’ve never noticed until this point but why in the fuck is Dave so offensively sexy. Every fucking thing he does, just... Leaves you so goddamn arrested, it's weird to think about how this goofy mother fucker you’ve known since six sweeps of your life, is this... Whatever. Stop thinking about it. Almost conveniently, Dave clears his throat and like a cat to a toy bell you snap yourself from your line of thought and train your eyes on Dave. He gives a slight smirk as he’s finally ready to unveil what he’s been cooking up. “Tell you what. Let’s play 3 more sets. Best of five each. You win, and you can do whatever the hell you want. As for me, if I win, well. You’ll have to wait and see.” That seems f- wait. “You’ll have to wait and see”? There was a goddamn twinge of smugness in his voice. The last sentence just constantly taps at your thinkpan. He obviously won’t go for that? I mean.. You both have never done anything of the sort, considering, well, you’ve been too scared to ask. Your voice wavers a tad bit as you speak but you manage to clear it up, you don’t need to give this asshole any leverage. Give him an inch and he’ll take a mile as they say. “What the fuck does that mean? I know you’ve been spending a lot of time with Rose or whatever but do you REALLY need to incorporate her cryptic phrases in your own speech as well?” your voice gets a bit squeaky mid-sentence. Very obviously showcasing that you’re an exasperated mess whenever it comes to the very simple and curious case of “Dave being Dave”. “Fine, whatever, let’s just play and get this over with.” You pick up your controller sigh a bit under your breath, the PlayStation had fallen asleep and you rudely took it out its sleep. You sigh as you navigate through and pick your main, Wagner. She’s disgusting in her own rights, but she was nerfed with the update from UNIST to UNICLR so you don’t feel as bad anymore. 

Dave, however, picks a new character. What the hell, why? He’s always been good with Waldstein, no matter how wonky that clunking piece of shit was, but he picks… En..Kidu… Fuck. FUCK. This piece of shit KNEW what he was doing. The little proposition was SO fucking planned. He knows Wagner was nerfed and he knows Enkidu is now top fucking tier. You look to your left, your eyes just ready to fucking cut daggers into to the first breathing piece of shit and you go to stare directly at Dave but to your surprise, a surprise that only makes your anger burn hotter than usual: he’s already fucking staring at you. He hasn’t picked his color yet. He’s just staring at you. A smirk, glued to his fucking face. You... Hate him. So goddamn much... But GOD why the FUCK does he have to be so fucking sexy. You snarl at him in the most feral way you have with Dave and snap your head back to the TV screen as you both lock in your characters and begin to play three sets that were rigged from the start. 

After what felt like the most bullshit UNI experience ever fucking imagined. He beat you, no surprise there. You lean back, palms digging into your lookstubs. You let out a very frustrated grunt that sounds more feral than normal. Dave really did all that and you were powerless to stop him. Your feral grunt is quickly turned into a very shameful amalgamation of some crossbreed of a moan and a very angry cough as a tinge of red flush rolls over your face. Letting go of your eyes and blinking as all the little weird shapes pry themselves away from your vision and notice that through your frustrated and flustered freakout, (flustrated?) Dave has his the first prong on each of his touch stumps, just slowly, circling them around your horns. Fuck this guy... You didn’t even get a chance to yell at him. Let alone give him a very lengthy list of why his even mere practice, let alone INTEREST in playing Enkidu is the most underhanded way to win a set of UNI matches EVER. “D-dave... You’re a piece of shit. I-I wanted to tell you that...” you groan heavily as he continues to toy with your horns. How the fuck did he even figure this bullshit out? Who fucking told him about the sensitivity of troll horns. “Thought I might try to calm you down before anything rude slipped out, ya know? But it seems I was a tad bit late.” He sounds so goddamn sure of himself too. That confidence is simultaneously the most annoying and the hottest shit you’ve ever witnessed. Just when you feel yourself getting used to the fondling of your horns he lets go and pointedly, gets up, cracking his knuckles and moves towards his kitchen. That it? God, you were so ready for him to like, flip you onto your back and just fuck you right then and there. You get up and follow after him. Somehow you feel you shouldn’t even be following him. You walk into the kitchen after him, leaning against the counter. 

Dave, once again, as he usually does, pulls a glass from the cupboard setting it aside. Shuffling over to his fridge pulls it open, sliding out a carton of apple juice. It takes you just a moment to realize he’s still wearing his goddamn shoes. What kind of fucking person does this bullshit? You sigh heavily and just roll your eyes. You’re finally calming down from that fucking moment of pure flustration and slight bliss and try to rest your eyes a bit. You hear a cacophony of sounds: the sound of liquids hitting glass, the pitter-patter of his travel back to the fridge, the fridge shelves creaking a bit as he replaces the carton, and the sound of him kicking the door shut. You hear shuffling get closer and closer before you feel a tall presence right in front of you. Slowly, your eyes flutter open to catch an eyeful of Dave. Standing there, chugging down his apple juice. After his last gulp, he places the glass on the counter, sliding it away before he removes his shades, the clack of the metal and plastic fills your ears. You watch him set aside his aviators and stare down at you. Leaning in, his body presses against your own and you’re fairly uncomfortable with how close he is… But maybe that’s the point. You hate it but God does it also love him being this close. “Well, I kicked your ass. Was a straight disgrace that you thought you’d actually win.” Again. With. That. Fucking. Smirk. He’s just doing this shit to piss you off, but before you’re even allowed an opportunity to yell at him before he tilts his stupid head and plants a kiss right on your lips. You’re sure this was the intended purpose but you just don’t get angry at his abuse of a disgustingly overpowered character, you just lose yourself for mere moments in this kiss. Has he always known how to kiss this well? Dave very obviously wants to progress this by the fact that he just lifts you up and plops down on the counter. 

Your bulge wakes the hell up and is writhing around at the front of your pants. Dave doesn’t even notice your arousal as he’s already tugging at your pants and underwear. You help him pull your pants and underwear down as it falls to the kitchen floor with a soft plopping sound. You don’t see why he gets to be fully clothed, and you have fuckin’ bulge wriggling around. Reaching out, you go to at least unbutton his shirt and loosen his tie. When you reach the third button he stops you and pulls away from the kiss. Fuck, for some reason you feel so goddamn lonely when he ends the kiss. “No dude. You’re not ready for all this yet dude.” Goddammit, even when he’s close to just ravaging your shit, he’s still a goddamn bulge tease. The moment you sigh, it’s choked down. You hear the slight moan of Dave and release one of your own, goddammit. This fucker is just pressing his bulge, right up against your asshole.

You try to speak but it all comes out in sputters. Goddammit he’s such an ASSHOLE.. “Dave just… Put it IN, fuckass.” You snap at him, really just wanting him to fuck you up horribly. “Why should I babe?” All he does next is kiss you on the neck and give a slight thrust at you. Goddammit he’s so fucking annoying. “You better just… Fucking put it in before I wring your goddamn neck with those fucking controllers in the living room.” Your voice is strained but still filled with frustration. You’re forced to let out a yelp when Dave once again thrusts against you. “One more time, with feeling, babe.” Fine. For once, you don’t feel the extreme urge to fight with Dave on his stupid bullshit. 

You sigh, looking off to the side, your voice now more of a low rumble “Just please... Put the damn thing in me before I lose my shit, Dave.” Before you know it, you hear the telltale sound of a belt buckle clattering against itself, the click of a button and a zipper. You... Goddammit, you want to take a peak but shit, you know he’ll tease you about it. Ugh the anticipation sucks, why doesn’t he hurry the fuck up. “Which hole babe.” He asks in a completely monotone fashion. He’s doing it on purpose, you start to snap at him. “What goddamn hole do you THINK I want it in?” Is he as stupid as he is hot? Genuinely you have no idea how you fell for this fucking idiot in the first place... “Well honestly dude, you’re like, a fucking alien? I don’t know how many holes you could be hiding from me. So… Which one?”

He really is fucking stupid. God you want to strangle this hot piece of shit. Like he isn’t even offensively sexy anymore? Now he should just be fucking executed by that disgusting space hag the Condesce for his Strider brand of charm and good looks. With a sigh your low rumbly voice loses just a third of its hate. So it’s more cute aggravation than sexually frustrating. “My… Nook. My nook, Dave. The thing that looks similar to a human body part..” You hope that’s enough information. 

Not before long Dave’s first and second prong are trailing along the outlining of your nook. You've never had the pleasure of someone going in there and Dave is just fucking perusing around in there… Goddammit why does it feel so good? You allow yourself to moan just a couple times while his fingers just glide around in there. Fuck have you seriously been this sopping wet for a fucking dumbass like Dave? He does things in the most aloof way possible. And he’s the guy you pick to fill your quadrants?? He’s such a goddamn tool but that’s also why you love him. Fuck you got caught up in your thoughts, you didn’t even notice Dave trying to heckle you. “Babe I’m just gonna put it in, it’s like a goddamn slip n’ slide down here.” Now you suddenly regret ever coming out of your train of thought to acknowledge anything Dave has just said to you, has said to you, or will ever say to you. He takes your angered and flustrated silence as confirmation. You hear the snap of briefs against his skin, it… Must be out now. 

You give in to your own pride and try to sneak just the tiniest peek, but before you can even think to do so Dave has already pressed the tip against the entrance of your nook and quite frankly you’re a bit scared only because you have no idea how he fucks, if he has, or the size of his fucking bulge. Er… Dick. He gives a soft whistle to get your attention, looking into your eyes earnestly with a smirk that someone way more generous than you would call caring almost as if to ask “Hey babe, I’m about to destroy you harder than I do in UNICLR and I really hope you can handle me.” All you do is nod surreptitiously and look away… Or you WOULD look away back Dave, once again, with that very gentle hand of his, turns your face this way just as the piece of shit pushes deeper into your nook. Goddammit. God fucking dammit. He always fucking gets you some way or another. This piece of shit, load gaper licking, nook chafing bulgemunch of a fucking worthless meat sack has such a huge dick, what the fuck? You didn’t honestly didn’t think they could be this big but fuck. You bang your fist against the counter and against all efforts of your lungs you hold in a gasp and what any sound of pleasure you would ever fucking emit. Goddammit Karkat, why are you trying to spite Dave so much when he’s LITERALLY INSIDE YOU. Swallow your fucking pride you whining grublet and enjoy this shit, you have all week and possibly the rest of the night to try and fuck over Dave but for now, while he’s again, deep inside your fucking nook, so please for once in your miserable life just enjoy something?

With that brief moment in your head you finally let out a small squeal when Dave makes his first thrust into you. You thought the little grace period was supposed to help you get used to his size but shit, movement makes it even worse, fuck… “I knew you’d come around babe..” Dave says with a soft and pillowy tone. He tilts his head giving you a gentle kiss, your lips collide. Honestly, it’s hard for you to even kiss him with all your incessant noises. His movements gradually pick up and all you really hear is Dave stifling his own moans, you squealing and grunting as if your life depended on it, the sound of Dave’s skin slapping against your own and the sloshing of your juices. The pain has quickly faded away and all you really feel is immense pleasure, Jesus fuck! The way he stretches out your nook is just so goddamn good? Like completely ignoring the fact that he completely played you like a goddamn fiddle, but the fact that he has the dick size to completely back up his constant heckling is just throwing you for a loop. A loop that you wouldn’t mind going through all over again. Dave is a sight to see all on his own as well, he looks so focused, so intent on ruining your nook. You pull from the kiss for a moment to catch a glimpse of Dave’s whole face. The beads of sweat rolling down his temple, trickling down to his chest, his tempered breathes in the midst of all his thrusts. His messy hair, tired eyes, his loose tie all the way to his unbuttoned shirt. You never knew someone could look like such a goddamn trainwreck and still be hot as well. 

“D-Dave... Dude... We gotta do this more..” You manage to grunt out. In response, Dave only hastens his movements, the cacophony of noises now more of a symphony, Dave being the conductor. “Y-yeah, yeah nice dude I’m trying to bang you.” He says in a pained sort of voice, obviously keeping in his moans because why the hell wouldn’t he? Probably thinks he’s too cool to moan or some stupid shit. Whatever the fuck is going on with him, he’s really enjoying himself. “Speaking of bang. I think I might soon..” …...What? Is he gonna cum? That was such a stupid fucking way to say that. “You’re sooo goddamn st-” Before you can even finish negging him, he drags you off the counter, his nails digging in your ass, your bulge thrashing against his stomach, you let out several moan disguised yelps, his cock just sliding its way further up your nook. Dave lets out the hottest noise he could have ever made: a mix of a grunt and a moan as his cock throbs inside you, your bulge writhing all the same. “Fuck dude..!” He lets out one last Strider sound before letting out his thick cum as it seeps into your nook, making a slurry of your juices together. Thoroughly coating your walls. Gritting your teeth, your bulge tightens up and lets out several ropes of pale red cum, the thin liquid plastering itself to Dave’s suit. 

For a moment there’s only the two of you panting in unison before Dave decides to speak up first. Looking down to his suit that you just ejaculated on his gives a very sarcastic sigh “Dude... You’re gonna buy me a new one.” He says with all the tone of several shit eating fuckwads as a disgusting smirk paints itself over his face. “What the fuck?! Why the hell should I? You’re the fuckass who thinks it's okay to wear a fucking expensive to not ONLY a casual fucking hang out with your boyfriend to play a fighting that you’re basically fucking cheating at by picking that shit sniffing, cave troll character ENKIDU but you also wear DURING SEX?!?” You’re seething. You wiggle free of his grasp bite your tongue when you slip off his death device of a fucking cock. With a light chuckle Dave pulls his briefs up, and fastens his pants. Pulling his shades back on before giving you finger guns. “Tell ya what. We play another set of UNICLR, you beat me, we can go again, but if I beat you, you gotta buy me a new suit. This time I won’t play Enkidu. Deal?” He’s so goddamn insufferable you almost don’t dignify his shitty proposition with a reply. You sigh heavily trudging back over to the living room Dave following you at the heel. Plopping down into the couch, you grab your controller, wave up the damned PS4 and stare Dave directly in the shades, a fiery hell lit just beneath your eyes as you select Enkidu. “Fuck you.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you got to the end of the fic I greatly appreciate it! This is my first ever fanfic and I hope to write more. Criticism is greatly appreciated c: If you'd like to shoot me a message or just make a new friend my twitter handle is https://twitter.com/JadeLallonde thank you so much once again for reading and have a wonderful day!


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